I've been wanting to do well in portraiture (since I somehow failed with landscape and street photography), because a face/facial expression can say a lot of things. And make-up's fun too. But because I lack  the skillz and equipment/s, I'm pretty much fine with self-portraits. If you've been following me on Tumblr or you're a Facebook friend, chances are you've been exposed with my "gratituous photos" of myself too much.

Here's your I-think-I-look-awesome, I-did-my-own-makeup, once-in-a-blue-moon dose of vanity (in the guise of self-portraits) in LJ.

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It's been a week since I've been informed through text and e-mail that I was accepted to the first ATIP, and it was during the time that I was on the verge of breaking down due to other problems. Wrong timing I know, but as they say "When a door shuts, another one opens". I applied mainly because this is something I really wanted to do and more. I definitely didn't pass this up, despite my parents' insisting that I should finish my (only) pending school requirement first.

After spending three days taking in lectures at the UPFI, we spent a day at Mowelfund prior to actual work: touring the museum and the entire place, and absorbing additional information and reminders. We also visited the "storage area" a few floors up where we saw not only piles upon piles of books and publications and a rusty machine, but more importantly the overwhelming number of film reels already on a depressing state. Alexis Tioseco once wrote that the Filipinos should take care of our film heritage and eventually put up an archive; seeing those film reels in rusty cans lying on the dusty floor, "aww", "shocks", and "sayang" were the only words that came from me. Where is my fellow countrymen's concern for the arts and culture? The vinegar scent (a.k.a vinegar syndrome, a sign of deterioration/decomposition) those films were already giving off will forever haunt me and I knew instantly that the track I chose to specialize was the right one.

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And yes, we're gonna do it for Alexis and our love for Philippine cinema and cinematic heritage.

... means still thesis work. I'm kinda disappointed with myself because I've "wasted" the past few months doing nothing and concentrating on other things. While SN 2006 of the College of Arts and Sciences are going to march next week, here I am taking/doing summer residency and still stuck in front of the PC/laptop trying to figure out and decipher what my adviser wants to see in my paper. I'm not aiming for best thesis, k? I just want to graduate.

...means doing what I wanted to do since I entered the Philippine Arts program--work for the arts ;) I've had my taste of working for the arts with my experiences in UP Panitikan, Batingaw, Dulaang UP and my majors. This summer will be a totally different experience as I delve into the world of film/cinema. And to think my co-interns are already experienced in that field--titiklop na lang daw ako sa hiya. Buuut, I can do this! I will not let my degree program [and Alex Tioseco (+)] down. Yehey, hello film archiving and preservation. ;)

...means stresssssss. How the hell can I divide my time with thesis now that I have work? Law of Attraction: I can do this! :)

My day didn't go well as planned. I skipped my favorite Spanish class because of the SLEx traffic (despite spending an additional PhP 25 para umabot ako, but to no avail), and didn't get to pass the first three chapters of my thesis because I was short on money and I'm not done with the third chapter. Add to that the tears--tears due to irritation (first time I felt in the history of forever)--that almost fell because of a guy's kakulitan and lack of comprehension/understanding.

(I'm just hoping that by the end of this day, that guy finally understood that my free times are really limited and I had to rush my thesis. And he would forgive me and reply to my messages. And he would ask me out again.)

And the pressure I'm getting from all my relatives and family members about graduation.

Thankfully, my friends were there to comfort me. :) And I'm halfway done with first draft.

My favorite prof (not my thesis adviser) saw me at the UP Diliman Library yesterday morning and she asked me how was my thesis. Again, that was the question I never really wanted to answer so I moved my readings away from where she was and mumbled "Uh, hindi pa po tapos eh. Wala pang first draft". Nahiya naman daw ako kasi yung advisees niya eh magdedefense na next week.

That night, she commented jokingly on my Facebook status (something about graduating on time). But later on, she said this:


Before this, another of my favorite profs (the one who should've been my adviser) responded to my dilemma about scrapping a chapter of my thesis because I found it unnecessary. I heeded her advice and integrated it instead to another chapter.

See, I'm kinda close to both professors and I love how they show concern for their students--especially for the Phil Arts students. And as for me, I'm really really grateful that although I'm not their advisee they still showed concern--and offered their help. Pag ako naging teacher/professor, ganito rin gagawin ko sa students ko.

And I wished, in the back of my head, that I should've picked a different adviser. :( Oh well, too late. I'mma finish this na naman.

Well, everything's coming clear now. I can so smell The Sablay. Help me, oh Fate.

Back to Thesis.